~ False Pretences ;;

I just want to be skinny . I don’t want to be thin or minuscule …. I just want to be trim and flat in the belly .
What id do to find something that works.

Dear tumblr

I realize I have neglected your existence and helpfulness these past few months …. And it seems I have come to a point where I am going to need some coping techniques …. So , tumblr family , I am back .
Back to share my life with the world of blogs and emotions and art .
And hopefully I am back to stay .

So this is just a follow up because i havent been on here in god knows how long.

i became very involved with my boyfriend, Tom, and i got a bit caught up.

and lately it seems that we need some space apart though that never seems to happen.

but basically, i decided to start coming on here again to just let things that he doesnt really understand and just let my emotions out here. 

because when i started blogging here a few months ago, i really felt good. 

it made me feel better that i had people who i know, or even that i may not, who understand.

so here it goes, tumblr.

my home environment seems to get worse and worse as the days go by.

however, that may just be because im afraid to voice my opinion in fear that i wont really be heard. which is how it usually ends up. im always wrong, or not seeing things the way someone else does. but isnt that normal ? arent i supposed to have different views ? as a person, isnt that what makes me unique ? either way, when i do speak, my sisters boyfriend, Jamie, always seems to have a smart ass reply to say to me. usually something along the lines of how im not doing something right or about something that i didnt do at all. hes really quite the bastard. and its not even like i can say something to my sister, Andrea, because theyre always together. literally. he changed her. and he twists my words to make her think im the one whos being nasty. when its really quite the opposite. but how could he expect me not to stick up for myself. 

anyways, my sister and her boyfriend who i reside with, dont pay very much attention to me, they always focus on my 4 year old neice (whom i as well love very deeply) or my sick father who has moved in with us due to his lack of capability to take care of himself. 

but is it really so hard to save me a plate of dinner when i get home from work ?

or invite me to the movies when im not at work ?

i thought i was a part of this family, at least thats what they tell me. 

…

but in other news, they eye surgery i got over the summer has helped dramatically with my sensitivity to light. however, i can no longer read easily, and ive come to realize i often miss read or have trouble realizing certain letters from other letters and numbers from other numbers….. is that even possible ? that an eye surgery could give me a mild form of dislecsia (dont know how to spell that[how ironic]) 

…

and again, in other news, my mothers passing is a month away from three years. when i really think about, it still feels like yesterday…. more on this later, i just dont feel like getting more upset than i am right now.

…

i suppose thats enough of a relief for now. 

ill let the rest out later. 

thanks, tumblr.